FanPop Review Number 1: Defending HP against T
by HarryPotterHedgehog
Summary: So...I've offended people. Rats. Shucks. Whatever you prefer. Let's get it straight: I don't want to offend people. I want to give my opinion on their opinion. Mmkay? Nifty. So I found this on FanPop, and disagreed with it. Hope you like!


Oh my good golly. I seem to have offended some…

So let us put it this way, and remain friends:

No longer shall I be "correcting the Twihards"

I am now going to give my views on _reasons_ why Twilight is better than Harry Potter.

Which, God willing, will not offend anyone as personally. Of course, if you still wish to flame, your sin, not mine.

Thank you, and have a fantastic day.

And so begins the next review by Ania, alias, HarryPotterHedgehog. Brought to you by Palm Olive. ™ {that was a joke…not a very good one, but a joke.} As always, this is posted [except for spacing between lines, to save space] exactly as it was typed. So all grammar, spelling, and punctuation [as I am positively a stickler about] mistakes are not mine. Enjoy!

**Twilight unlike Harry Potter has SEX. something to get a mature reader into.  
Twilight unlike Harry Potter started from a dream. Inspiring dreamers.  
Twilight unlike Harry Potter shows real depression unlike Harry who always complains his parents died and he didnt even know them or when his uncle. or whoever died he was happy in a couple of days.  
Bella she was really and truly depressed and HURT.  
Twilight books arent as long as Harry Potter books you dont have to sit there and read page aftert page of nothingness  
Twilight teaches us that we can be mature about bad situations and that we dont have to "fight" things out we can sit down and talk about things like mature adults.  
Twilight teaches us that we dont have to fall in love with one person and stay in love with them for the rest of our lives. for example bella and edward and jacob :) she had choices. even though she had picked edward she CHOSE to do it.  
Twilight teaches us the true value of love. yeah it might have lust in it. but its love.  
Twilight has a happy ending no one dying and thats what a good book is always about.  
and its just so fucking awesome**

**Twilight unlike Harry Potter has SEX. something to get a mature reader into. ****  
**

Well, if you're into that sort of thing…whatever flips your pancakes. But personally, fade to black isn't exactly sex. In the words of Twilight [All rights reserved to Stephenie Meyer]

"_And we began where my dream left off_"

Now. As we are all familiar with [well, anyone who's read the Twilight series, primarily Breaking Dawn] Bella has been begging Edward for sex for the _longest_ time. She needs him. It'd be fine, after all, seeing as how Carlisle knows they have no bodily fluid, so pregnancy wouldn't be a problem. About that…

But it doesn't _describe_ anything, which, disgusting as it may be, is surely what this [the bolded statement] is referencing. Although, since now Twilight is geared toward "mature readers" it just limits the selling ability. Maybe not a good thing, but Edward getting it on? I'd sell my soul, silly! [Dang, look at that alliteration]**  
**

**Twilight unlike Harry Potter started from a dream. Inspiring dreamers.**

…This really doesn't make much sense at all in the way that this isn't a reason that, content-wise, Twilight is better than HP. Yes, Twilight started from a self-insert dream. Harry Potter was more of a day-dream, actually. I'm not sure how this inspires dreamers.

I have dreams about falling into lava inside of a volcano to save those I care about. Should I write a dream about that?

[*true story. I once actually did fall, felt like warm bath water.]

**Twilight unlike Harry Potter shows real depression unlike Harry who always complains his parents died and he didnt even know them or when his uncle. or whoever died he was happy in a couple of days. Bella she was really and truly depressed and HURT.**

What is this crap? "Harry was depressed because his parents were dead, what an idiot."

How about, Bella tried to kill herself because the guy she knew for less than a year left her. She couldn't tell you anything about Edward before he met her because it isn't ever mentioned in detail. She could probably tell you the width, to the millimeter, of Edward's abs, but that's it. It was his godfather, not his uncle. If you'd read HP you'd know that. He was actually sad about it for quite a bit.

Unlike Twilight, where the moral is "if you get dumped, and jump off a cliff, your beloved will return!"

Harry Potter: Life goes on.

Life is too short to be depressed about things. Jacob was right: if Edward had never came back, Bella would've lived a normal life. Yes, Alice couldn't see Jacob's interference. Where ever she was, unless she was nearby, she wouldn't have been able to get to Forks in time to check out Bella's house. She would've seen, once Jacob left, that Bella was fine.

I smell a plot hole.

It smells like bananas.

Oddly enough, after Bella had described the hole in her chest repeatedly, we got the idea that EdWeird's leaving upset her a bit. But she's too mature to actually throw a fit, right?

**Twilight books arent as long as Harry Potter books you dont have to sit there and read page aftert page of nothingness**

Well, this person didn't read Twilight either.

Twilight: 4 Books

Harry Potter: 7 Books

Pages in Twilight: 2444

Pages in Harry Potter: 3665

Average book in HP: 523

Average book in Twilight: 611

You may say, but Twilight has less books to divide by!

Exactly. Twilight crammed it all in. I'll soon be updating with some fun Twilight facts, which I'll research for myself. I'm not taking other people's word for it.

**Twilight teaches us that we can be mature about bad situations and that we dont have to "fight" things out we can sit down and talk about things like mature adults. ****  
**

Personally, I don't feel Bella trying to hurt herself, and talking in an imaginary Edward mature. That's the point. He wasn't some creepy Edward Patronus. Even Edward admitted how stupid it was for Bella to have done that. But then, Alice saw a fight. That happened. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she didn't tell the truth. We'll never know, seeing as SM doesn't ever explain anything.

**Twilight teaches us that we dont have to fall in love with one person and stay in love with them for the rest of our lives. for example bella and edward and jacob :) she had choices. even though she had picked edward she CHOSE to do it. ****  
**

But Bella was in love with Edward for the rest of her lives. In case you don't know, loving two people, in the way Bella did that she wanted to jump both of them, is known as adultery. In marriage, this is polygamy. And it is frowned upon in most societies.

Twilight: The story of a girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.

**Twilight teaches us the true value of love. yeah it might have lust in it. but its love.**

Twilight has lust. But, in SM's world, lust means love. Now, if I an attractive boy came up to me and said

"You smell really good, but I'm dangerous to you, so we shouldn't go out"

Without any previous relationship or anything, I'd smack him and run away. Which is what happened in Twilight. Bella had 3 guys and a "shape shifter" after her, and she chose some guy who, instead of wondering why he actually liked her [something we never find out, personality-wise] had to concentrate on not eating her.

**Twilight has a happy ending no one dying and thats what a good book is always about.  
and its just so fucking awesome**

Book aren't about happy endings. They're also not about no one dying. For instance, take the Cat in the Hat. I know CITH is awesome, but we do not consider quality literature like Jane Austen, for example. But alas! No one died. So we should worship it, yes?

No, you say? I'd think that applies to Twilight, but it had Edward's sexy disco ball skin tone, so obviously not.

Peace Out Girl Scout.

-Ania


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